


Seeing the Stan O'War

by Oneshot_bravo



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gremlin pretends it can write, POV Outsider, Sea Grunkles, tf when you study cryptids so much you become one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:55:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oneshot_bravo/pseuds/Oneshot_bravo
Summary: In which people try to make sense of the weird ship that randomly shows up whenever something strange happens.
Comments: 25
Kudos: 77





	1. the ports

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this tumblr post: https://colanom.tumblr.com/post/634525245036969984/anyone-else-think-that-stan-and-ford-become

Posted by u/allmyhomieshatealaska 18 days ago

**The Stan o’war is fucking real**

I thought it was just a meme or some shit, but I actually saw the boat at the harbor today.

[there are two images uploaded. the first one is of an old fishing boat docked among other sailboats and ships. the second one is zoomed in to the side of the boat, a hand gesturing to white letters spelling out “STAN O' WAR II”]

Is this a warning? Do I need to prepare? I’m not ready to be vibe checked by the sea

  
  
  


**FloridaBorida** 51 points * 18 days ago

Alright, so a few months back I actually met the guys who own the stan o’war and I got to talk with them (FYI: I work at a tourist shop place) and, drumroll please-

They’re just two regular old dudes (for the most part. I’m pretty sure they’re twins and one of them does have twelve fingers). Like, I don’t know what y’all expected, but these guys are literally just spending their retirement sailing around the world for fun and sending souvenirs to their “grand niblings” (great nephew/niece). I don’t know where the rumor about them being spirits or whatever came from, but y’all are acting like the two sailor guys trying to out-pun each other in my store are about to summon the wrath of Poseidon or whatever. I mean, they tell some hella good stories, and one of them is really into mythology so maybe that’s where the memes come from? But other than that they’re just two bored old men who sail around for fun.

And if y’all don’t believe I’ve met them, I actually asked them why their boat’s called the Stan o’war, and apparently it’s because their names are, and I quote: “Stanford and Stanley. Yes we do hate our father for giving us these names.” 

TLDR: the only vibe check you’re getting is from two old guys trying to find souvenirs for their kids.

  
  


**allmyhomieshatealaska** 42 points * 18 days ago

huh. good to know. Kinda wonder how they became a meme tho.

  
  


**allmyhomieshatealaska** 263 points * 13 days ago

/u/FloridaBorida  YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME

[there’s a hyperlink that leads to a YouTube video. The video shakes as if the person holding the camera is running. Over the sound of the person’s feet hitting the ground and a strange rumbling noise in background, the person’s voice could be heard sarcastically saying “Oh It’S jUsT a nOrmAl bOaT, tHeY’rE JuSt tWo noRmaL oLd GuYs-”

Suddenly the camera pans to something that is big, very angry, and has a lot of tentacles and a giant green eye. “WHAT THE FUCK IS *THIS*?!” The last word is emphasized with a zoom in of the now screeching creature. Two figures can be made out clinging onto the creature. One of them is trying to punch the creature’s eye while the other seems to be shooting lasers at it.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” The camera person repeats before abruptly ending the video.]


	2. the seas

You’ve heard rumors among the ocean currents. Whispers throughout the mermaid kingdoms, the manatee hierarchy, and from other choirs of sirens. Of a boat so small and yet so dangerous. Perhaps they are only stories, but you can’t help but worry for your guppies regardless.

You warn them of the boat that wanders throughout the seas, that follows no pattern carved out by the human ships that either migrate or chase after game.

The boat that seems to sing its own silent song, one that attracts monsters and destruction.

The boat that many warriors had gone to confront, but very few returned to tell the tale.

So when you discover that your children, your three little pearls that were too curious for their own good, had gone to seek the boat, you wished you’d remained silent.

You wondered if this was what sailors felt like when they were drowned.

Your fear grew with each passing day, as you asked around for clues and received countless conflicting tales, ranging from merciless twin spirits that have slain the old gods to a pair of clumsy humans that fell out of their own ship.

There are so many stories that you do not know what to believe.

When you can finally hear your childrens’ songs for the first time in days, you almost burst into tears. You don’t have it in you to properly scold them, your relief taking the scathing bite out of your melody. 

You can only smile tiredly as your precious trio of guppies tell you the story of the old sailor twins that traded questions and curiosities with your three little detectives. You thanked the merciful Poseidon that the tall tales you’ve heard were only overblown rumors.

Or so you first thought.

Then a few days later, your youngest pulled out a device gifted to her by the twelve fingered sailor twin. A thing that she said was called an “old prototype for a waterproof laser cannon.”

By the end of the day, there was a new hole in the ocean floor and a new warning regarding that cursed boat:

“Do NOT let your children go near the Stan o’War.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did y'all really think the Stan twins wouldn't become cryptids to the CRYPIDS?


End file.
